From the Fast Forwarding Email of the Internet:

Computer Frustration Jokes for Both Mac and PC Users

Definitions:

- computer: a device designed to speed and automate errors

- upgrade: take the old bugs out, put new ones in

- Ethernet: something used to catch the etherbunny

- mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available

- Windows: just another pane in the glass

- programmer: a red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects

- airline virus: you're in Dallas, but your data is in San Francisco

- hardware: parts of a computer that can be kicked

- budget: a method for going broke methodically

- shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark

All computers wait at the same speed.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Did you hear about the new supercomputer? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in six seconds.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981.

Read my chips: no new upgrades!

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 500Mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 320Mb, and then slowly returns to 500Mb.

Texas virus: Doesn't do any damage, but makes sure it's bigger than any other file on your system.

Real computers don't eat cache.

Screen messages:

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

BREAKFAST.COM halted... Cereal port not responding

SENILE.COM found... Out of memory

Shell to DOS.. Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

REALITY.SYS corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N) Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE missing. Insert cup and press any key to continue. Hit any user to continue.

Disk full. Press F1 to burp.

Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)hrowup.

Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic.

(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

User error: replace user and select OK to continue.

Apathy error: Don't bother striking any key.

(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with a big hammer?

I came. I saw. I deleted all your files.

The information went data way.

What do computer nerds use for birth control? Their personalities.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Software salesman to programmer: "You start writing the program and I'll go find out what they want."

It said "Insert Disk #3" but only two will fit.

RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.

It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

Do witches run spell checkers?

Copywight 1996. Elmer Fudd. All Wights Weserved.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

The name is Baud... James Baud.

Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"?

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

A computer's attention span is only as long as its powercord.

11th Commandment: Covet not they neighbour's Pentium.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can re-boot faster.

 Images Copyright 1997 Elena Haskins. All Rights Reserved.